I Am Free

Now normally, I write a blog entry and explain how the week progressed and what happened but honestly words cannot describe what went on last week. The topic was on spiritual warfare so it was quite crazy and got really intense at times. In the end, I loved it and it was probably the most impacting week that I've spent here, which is saying a lot since it's been 11 weeks now.

I'm late posting this entry because of how busy it's been, even during free time. My downtime now is spent preparing in so many different ways for the location that we are headed to. Different culture, different place, different values. It'll be an unforgettable experience that I'm looking forward to.

I decided to share my journal entry for this past week. Every week on Monday, we need to hand in a journal of our thoughts from the previous week's topic. It's super helpful for processing everything that comes in and I've enjoyed going about it in different ways throughout the school's lecture time.

At the moment, we're in our last week of lecture phase and it is soon coming to the time when I will be off social media (ie. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.) but if you'd like to receive updates, send me your email address! I'd love to add you to the list and share what we are up to!

Blessings and thanks for your many prayers!

- Naomi

Life, Love, and Why

Relationships. Oh man, what a topic to dive into this past week. I barely know where to begin. We learned about friendship, family, dating, marriage. So many different kinds and approaches to relationships.

Monday was more so on the topic of friendships. There were a lot of tough realizations that came along with this lecture, as it made me realize that a lot of my friendships weren't as deep as I thought they were ad they didn't have the foundation in God that I really craved in my every day life here. I've loved having deep, meaningful conversations here when it comes to sitting down for a cuppa with friends. But I've realized that at home, even when I go out for coffee with a friend, or sit down over a meal to catch up, I avoid deepness. I share what's going on as though they're cold facts instead of getting down deep and saying "Hey, this is happening and I'm hurting." I also realized how one-sided some of my friendships have been. I assume it's due to the shallowness of them. Friendships need to have a deepness where we show our good and our bad sides. We need to be open and vulnerable in them so that they can see us at our worst and our best.

From the get-go we talked about how love is a choice. We choose to love a person everything. Not because we feel like it and then let go when the feeling is gone, but we choose to love the way that God has chosen to always love us. I made the decision to choose love and in doing so, I've found I have so much more love in my heart waiting to come out than I ever thought possible. It's God working inside my heart and softening it to others as I go along.

Tuesday was a lot about family. Breaking off from our families to build families of our own. How important it is to break off and cling to the person God had brought into our lives. This was really cool to get into as it was explained in a way that I'd never understood before.

The rest of the week centered on marriage and sex. Sounds crazy, but it was actually really helpful. It was an emotional week for me because of this topic and it really opened my eyes to things that I hadn't done right in the past, but I appreciated how deep it struck me because that showed me how much I wanted things to be different for my future. It showed me that I wanted my future relationship to be 100% God-focused. I look forward to it now because of this. We learned about God's intent for sex and things that lead up to that. How sex outside of marriage could lead to a lot of fear and anxiety which could lead a person to have those feelings whenever it came up, which is not what God intended at all. It was a cool perspective on it and I'm still processing quite a bit of it.

We had a workshop one afternoon on the topic of grief and how to deal with it. This struck me right to the core and I wasn't able to make it through the entire class. I made it through enough to know what I needed to, and had someone sit with me for a bit the rest of the afternoon to talk things through. I realized this week what grieving really was. I always thought that grieving meant you'd sit and cry for weeks on end and that you'd be wallowing for who knows how long. But I realized this week that grieving is when you live your life day to day and take each moment as it comes. When you feel like sitting and crying, then sit and cry. It's giving into the feelings of grief that come your way and not pushing them aside for "a more appropriate time" as I so often have done up until this past week. Knowing this, I can now finish grieving in the next few months in the best way possible, going to God for comfort. I'm in a good community, I've learned to go to God for anything I need, and I have a loving family and amazing friends supporting me from home.

The conclusion I've come to of this week is that I'm truly blessed for the relationships I have in my life and learning now which direction I'd like them to be in, I look forward to deepening them and getting to know people better. Love you all so much and missing you a ton!

- Naomi

Overwhelming Me

Another crazy week has come and gone and I'm totally in shock over this one. We just wrapped up our 9th week of the Holy Spirit being our topic this week. It was a pretty controversial thing to talk about as many came from different views on it, or even some had no knowledge of it at all. There were many times when I was confused on what was being talked about.

Honestly, it was an application week. We learned about the Holy Spirit, then we learned about baptism in the Holy Spirit. We got to experience the power of Him in so many different ways, it was incredible! I can't say I have a particular moment that stood out to me because all of it pretty much jumped out at me.

I'd have to say the biggest moment for me was when we had to give a presentation sort of thing on Friday morning. Our speaker said that the best way of learning was to teach. So she gave us the assignment of picking any chapter in the book of Acts, except for 1 and 2, to speak on. In one way, I was nervous. In another, I was absolutely stoked! I've felt a strange pressure on my heart whenever an opportunity to speak comes up. As though I'm supposed to take it. Normally though, I haven't. Sure there's been rare occasions when I have, but for the most part, I shy away from these opportunities. This was not something that could be shied away from. I'm an all or nothing girl, so it wasn't the question of whether I'd give it my all. It was more so that fact of when I get on a stage and speak without a script or a song, I stutter, I fidget, I shake, and my sentences come out in strange formations. It's not the same as when I'm writing.

When I got up there, I had already been shaking from nervousness and the first word out of my mouth was "uuuuuuh..." in an extremely awkward, unsteady voice. I took a deep breath, looked down, said a quick prayer in my head, and just went for it. I don't remember most of what happened except for a few funny moments that came with some unknowing audience participation. ("When I was younger, I used to be pretty sassy so-" "USED TO?!") What I chose to speak on was Acts 5:12-16.

"The apostles performed many signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon's Colonnade.
No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people.
Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number.
As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter's shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by.
Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by impure spirits, and all of them were healed."

I gave my own testimony of healing from when I'd been prayed over at the age of 12. Since then, my health has been almost at it's peak and even though I still get sick like any normal person, I rarely end up in the hospital because of sickness. (I know what you're thinking... "Right... You only end up in there because of snowboarding accidents...") I shared of my own persistent faith on God healing me of sickness and allergies that kept me unhealthy my whole life. After waiting for two weeks after being prayed over, I went all out on the things that I was allergic too and sure enough, God had healed me. While I had been unable to gain and maintain weight during my childhood, I somehow found myself gaining more and more. This is my testimony of how God can heal. How the Holy Spirit can bring about a healing power.

I loved this week. Despite the controversy, the questions, the crazy hectic way it all happened, I loved it more than I ever would have thought. I learned how to step up and step out in an even stronger way than the previous week (Evangelism Week) which is huge because that alone was insanely big. I've definitely grown more comfortable with myself and who I am in Christ. I've learned that I can do things outside of myself and all it takes to get me there is God.

My laughter at everything has come back to me and it brings me so much joy! I've learned to laugh and find joy in even the smallest things in life again, a quality I used to possess but somehow lost in the past year. I've welcomed this back very much!!! The shy young lady who arrived here two months ago doesn't really seem to exist. I've practiced boldness, trust, faith, and so much more and I'm even amazed when I look into the mirror and find that I'm truly happy with the person who's smiling back at me. I never would have thought that a person could have things change so quickly, but through all the hard work that I've been needing to put into life here, I can say that it has been worth it. The fact that I still have 4 more months of this amazing experience that God has blessed me with has left me reeling with excitement.

The main thing I'd really like prayer for is for my healing process inside to continue. My emotions are something I've really struggled with this week and I find myself needing more encouragement than I've needed before. God has shown me a lot this week that I still need to be working on, but in that, He's shown me that it's okay to be where I'm at and that in Him, I will be healed in the right timing. It's a process. I'm okay being in the middle of it. I just need extra prayer and encouragement at times to keep me strong.

Thank you all so much for your support and for how amazing you've all been in my time here. To the people who have donated towards my outreach, you guys are AMAZING!!! I am SO thankful!!! And if you're still interested in donating, let me know! :)

- Naomi

Ohana Means Family

Another week, another chaotic time! Sometimes I feel as though my head will fall over with so many new things being added to it. Thankfully, we're able to process with some of the staff members even during the weekend. That's definitely the time when application really sets into us. The topic this week was evangelism and it was probably one of the most difficult to apply, yet also the easiest at the same time. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

The beginning of the week went on like any other and the speaker, Emma Blake, always showed us a lot of quotes which I loved so much! One thing that was emphasized a lot was that evangelism isn't about us. It's about God. That is something I loved so much because it's so easy to get caught up in making this all about us and all about what we want to do. It's truly and honestly about God in all of this and I really have learned to be all in with what God's will is. It's about being selfless in the midst of a time when one would normally fall into selfishness. I think I've grown more with that than anything else.

On Thursday afternoon, we got to put our evangelism teachings into practice. It was a terribly frightening experience, going out into the city, but so freeing and it made me feel like I could anything God called of me afterwards. We all had a couple of days to listen to God's voice to see what He wanted us to do as an individual and then we had to gather in a group and see what God had for us altogether. One thing that I love to do is write spoken word poems. Normally what I tend to do is write them and then keep them in a folder for myself to read or look back on, if I ever do. However, after writing one at the beginning of this week, I felt as though God wanted me to be using it. I argued and fought against this reasoning my hesitation by saying "I've never done this before and I don't think I'd be good enough." After a couple of days, I finally had to accept that this wouldn't leave me alone so it was with great hesitation that I relayed what I felt God wanted of me. One person in my group said he felt as though God wanted him to drum even though he'd never done it before. So we paired up and while he drummed, I recited my spoken word, probably more powerfully than I'd ever be able to have without the boldness that I suddenly found myself gaining through Christ. It was truly an enriching experience that I will never forget! To me, it didn't matter if people stopped and smiled, rushed by, or gave me a funny look. What mattered to me was that I had done what I felt was asked of me, and it gave me a deep sense of fulfillment.

We found out our outreach location this past Wednesday! It was a crazy time for everyone. My reaction included screaming, sobbing, hyperventilating, and even some food coming out the way it went in. But hey! In my defense, I warned them that surprising me was a bad idea. I think some have learned their lesson with that. I'm unable to give the location away here, or on any social media, but I am able to say that it is in the Near East, which is what we refer to it as from here.

The past few days have been an absolute blur and I found myself in a state of panic over my financial situation, which hasn't looked completely well in the time that I've been here. I've had to humble myself on numerous occasions by asking for donations and continued support with prayer and funding. The complete outreach amount that is needed is $5200 and the amount I needed by Monday was $3000. At the beginning of today, I was quite a mess because I didn't have a single penny of that available to me. I had received $700 of donations but wasn't able to access it in time. By the time evening came, I had somewhat accepted the situation for what it was: I simply did not have the money for this and needed to acknowledge what God was possibly trying to tell me. However, having had a lot of confirmation to go on this outreach, I continued to have faith and pray for a miracle. Later in the evening, I was given the exact amount by three individuals. Of course, I am simply blown out of the water by this and can only take this as God providing for me in a way that I cannot explain or understand.

Something I believe played a huge part in this was how God revealed to me a time in Exodus when He was sending Moses and the Israelite people into the Promised Land, saying that He would send His Presence with them but would not go with them Himself. Moses had responded with "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that You are pleased with me and with Your people unless You go with us? What else will distinguish me and Your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?" (Exodus 33:15-16)

I found myself turning my voice to God and expressing myself in a way that I'd never done before. Admitting that if God was not for me going that I didn't want to go. That I only wanted to go if He would be with me. Walking outside of God's plan for me is something that would break my heart in a way it's never been broken before, I laid down my plans in this, my desires, and I opened myself completely to Him. I told Him that I was in this completely for Him and that if I wasn't doing this for Him and with Him, then I didn't want to do any of this anymore. Tonight it became about God and it stopped being about myself. I experienced selflessness, I witnessed selflessness in my team, and I learned exactly what God was asking me to do in order for Him to do what He needed to.

Thank you all so much for your continued support and prayers and donations!!! Currently, I am still in need of about $2000 and I am 100% sure that God will provide this amount. If you have any donations, feel free to contact my parents or shoot me a message or email.
Check out our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/444980748997745/?fref=nf

- Naomi