Arms Wide Open

Another week of lectures has finished on this stranger weathered Australian Friday. My mind is once more in a frenzy as I try to piece together everything I've learned and it's strange realizing that it really is possible to learn a life's amount of lessons in a matter of months, but it seems as though that's what's been going on here. Lately I've been trying my hardest to communicate, really communicate, the things that I learn and walk through during this eventful journey. I don't think I've ever had to go through a more overwhelming process than the one I'm currently in.

The topic this week was on the character and nature of God and it has blown my mind. I'm not entirely sure where to start in sharing the experiences and difficulties I've faced this week, so forgive me if it's all a bit out of sorts!

I'll definitely start with the highlight of the week for myself. On Wednesday, my Emerge school group did an activity in our afternoon class of writing our name on a sheet of paper, decorating it a bit, and then sitting around a table and passing the sheets around to write a note of encouragement, a picture that God has shown you to share with this person, or a scripture of some sort. Anything that could be an encouragement to them. When I received my sheet of paper back, I was extremely overwhelmed with everything that everyone had written on it to encourage me! The following day, we again did a similar exercise with the addition of the Sports school group as well. Again, I received incredible words of encouragement from everyone. One note that stood out to me the most was this one: "There's an inner sunshine in you. Can't wait to get to know you better and see you shine!" This one spoke volumes to me as it was something I'd been struggling with these past six months. How could I shine again? I've felt so burnt out and just dead inside for so long. Sometimes it feels like I've forgotten how to laugh and smile, so for someone to see that and say that to me was a little strange. I've wondered for a long time how to step out and shine again the way I knew I could. It concerned me that no one really knew me and it scared me to think that what if these whole six months went by without anyone really knowing the sunny, bubbly, expressive me that I am? It seemed though that while I was questioning all of this, God was already working on something. He took something I'm passionate about and directed it back to me through music, showing me a lot of direction on the next step I should take. I noticed that God wanted me to step out more and put myself out there, so that He could begin using me for His glory. Of course, this is scary for me and I'm terrified of those dumb questions of "What if no one likes the sunny, bubbly, expressive me?" or "What am I supposed to do now?" popping up, because I know they definitely will. But I'll be fighting against those for the next while as I learn to express myself again, especially in a new community such as the one I've moved into. That was a highlight for me this week. Getting to know myself again.

Now the not so easy part. The biggest struggle. These past six months of my life, and even prior to that, I've learned how to turn off my emotions and numb myself to feeling things. I thought that was what was best and I thought that was the easiest route to take, instead of facing a lot of pain and heartache that come along with the experiences I've gone through. Along with learning the things I've learned this week, I've still been processing the things of the past week about vulnerability. Feelings come along when one becomes vulnerable and last week, I'd finished my blog post with not quite knowing how to go from knowing to being. (I didn't phrase it in those words, but that is somewhat along the lines of what I'd meant.) However this week, I have come to terms with it and it's a slow process of taking it one step at a time. It was a week of firsts as I expressed to someone how I felt about something, which I was terrified of doing, but in the end it strengthened our bond and made me love this person all the more. I went to someone for help with an emotional struggle I've been facing this week and found open arms and a load of understanding, as we talked and prayed together. Even though feeling again has unlocked a lot of positive things, it's mostly been the rough side of emotions that I've had to deal with. Because of blocking out sadness and heartache, I've had to invite those things in again along with the joy and excitement of feelings. I'm still in a place where I don't know what to do with the emotions I've been flooded with. Sometimes I laugh like a maniac because I'm finally able to and other times I just sit and cry because I have no idea what feeling is like anymore. It'll be a slow process of adjusting to all this unfamiliar weirdness. I never knew that I was really numb until all of this happened and suddenly it all flooded over me in this waterfall of icy water. It really is something I can't put into words.

I think the main thing I will need prayer for this week is just the ability to maintain openness and vulnerability with the amazing family I've found in these people. They're all loving, accepting, and eager to get to know one another, so pray that my heart continues to open up more with each passing day and that I would have understanding in other areas that God wants me to grow in. Prayer for patience is also something I would appreciate, as I'm a bit impatient when I know something is going on.

Thank you all so much for your love and support as I continue on this indescribable journey!

-Naomi

Tears of Change

This week has been incredibly intense for me. I can't remember a time when I've cried as much as I have. It's been so overwhelming being here and having all these new things brought into my life. It's a huge change not only externally but internally as well.

The topic was Hearing God's Voice and Communicating with God. It centered a lot around vulnerability and that's where I had a really difficult time. It involved being open with the people around me and with God and even myself at times. There were multiple exercises about digging into oneself and listening for God's voice, which has amazing and wondrous results. I never felt more in tune than in those moments.

Honestly, the majority of this week was spent asking myself the question "Why am I here?" The things I had to walk through and am still working through went painfully deep and every time we'd come out of a deep thought-provoking and spiritually searching exercise, I always ended up in a pile of tears. My days were spent wondering what was happening and my nights were spent questioning what on earth God was doing to me. I felt broken and I can't recall a time in my life when I've had to face so many difficulties in just making it to class without breaking down or being surrounded by people every day.

I avoided as many things involving people as I could until I finally confided in someone that I was slowly shutting down, which is probably one of the first times I've gone to someone about that with the intention of getting help to steer clear of it. And it worked. I was in a dark spot and by pushing myself to my limit and surrounding myself with loving, supportive people whenever I could was actually surprisingly good for an introvert like me. And the encouragement I received brought me to tears, but the happy sort this time.

All week, I've felt in sort of a black hole in the area of my spiritual life. I've never walked through a healing process like this, and yes that's what I believe this is. I've faced every hurt area that I've had in the past year and even though it's still difficult and I still don't understand what's going on, I think it will all be okay. Waking up this morning, I laid in bed and again said "God, why am I here?" and I had this distinct impression of a still voice saying "Persevere, Naomi. You've done well. Keep persevering. Be strong. You're almost there." That was definitely a jump start to my day!

And that is honestly where I'm at. Still in the middle of this strange mess I'm facing but feeling strangely calm and patient with it. I would really appreciate prayer in this as I know it is only the beginning of a long and crazy journey. And with that, I'm signing off this entry. There's not much left to say other than what I've shared because I'm still in the midst of processing all of this and working through it. But thank you for all of your love and support while I've been here! It's been an adventurous and incredible two weeks so far!

- Naomi

Insanity

This past week has flown by so quickly and yet I feel like I've been here for so long. It was more of a settling in sort of week for us all here. Learning the ropes of the place, about YWAM and how it came to be, along with the vision, and things like that.

Lectures started more towards the end of the week and although I know the word lecture sounds like it wouldn't be so fun, I find myself enjoying them so much already! The things we learn, the way it's explained to us, it's all in a way that I've never thought of looking at it before.

We learned about how God created us with the intent of having a purposeful relationship with us and how that theme carries through the Old and New Testament. In the Old Testament, we see numerous occasions where God wants to be with the people. Then in the New Testament we see how God comes to us through Jesus Christ and how He dwells within us now. The whole theme of it is how God just wants a relationship with us. It wasn't that the topic was new to me, I just had never noticed how much of a pattern had formed throughout all of the stories in the Bible. Satan seeks to destroy relationships and that's his motivation. Whereas God seeks to have a relationship and encourages us to have relationships with others.

We also learned about the role of the Holy Spirit in a disciple and the role of the disciple. This was probably my favorite of the two lectures and I especially loved how the speaker explained that condemnation was from Satan and others, while conviction was something from the Holy Spirit. Conviction moves us towards God, towards being a better person for Him. Condemnation makes us feel ashamed and move away from God and feel like we're not good enough. This, among many other things, are what has got me thinking quite a lot. And has made me reevaluate how I see the Holy Spirit in me. Not as someone taking part of me away, but someone who is adding to me and completing me.

It was a wonderful time of thinking for me and I especially loved the part about how the Holy Spirit brings with it a feeling of acceptance, belonging, value, etc. It's been hard on me to settle in here because I often feel like I don't belong, like no one will accept me, like I'm worthless. And I know that's not what the Holy Spirit is about. I live with an eternity of all of these things because I'm a part of God's kingdom. Acceptance by others doesn't matter, because I am accepted by God. I am worth so much in the eyes of my Heavenly Father.

The role of the disciple was what our role is to be followers of God. I liked this part a lot because it showed us a list of what we are to be if we're to represent God in the way we live. There were also ways to put off the old and put on the new. This for me was difficult. Not because I have difficulty with the idea of altering my life around for Christ, but because the list was this: Recognize and resist, Take responsibility, through confession and repentance. Forgive others.

Forgive others is normally really easy for me but in the past few months, I've had an increasing amount of difficulty forgiving one person for how they've hurt me and treated me. I know this process will take more time, but I know it's something I need to do. I'm willing to surrender to Christ and have Him change me and renew me, but this last step will definitely take some time and I would appreciate it so much if you all would keep me in your prayers during this time of renewal in my life. God is doing a good work! And He will be faithful to complete it.

Missing you all! With love,
Naomi

The Questions

I've come to the realization that I didn't really have a set plan of what I wanted to be blogging during my time here. So I decided to spend some time alone in thinking of the direction I wanted this to go in and focus primarily on that. Most of the questions I receive while I'm here is "What is God doing in your life in Australia?" So in answer to that, I will be having certain questions that I come back to every week to communicate with you all exactly what God is doing during my time here. This will all be completely honest, totally blunt, and expressively from my heart to yours. I have four basic questions that I will ask, and at the end of every week, I'll be letting you all know how the week went by answering them, openly and honestly. 

1. What has been a highlight of this week?

2. What has been the biggest struggle for me?

3. What has God been revealing to me?

4. How can I apply what I've learned this week in my walk with God?

Let me know if you'd like to know more! I can always add more questions to the list. 

Thank you all so much for your continual prayers and support. If you'd like to donate still, I'd be more than happy to receive that as money towards my outreach. Get in touch with me on how you can help out! :)

Naomi C. Friesen

Settling In

They spell "tire" differently. They write "tyre." I'd say this is the hardest adjustment, but not quite. Although it is quite high up there on the list. Yesterday was a bit of a struggle as I settled in, but not in the way that I'd expected. I expected emotional struggles, doubts, and just general uncomfortable feelings about being in an unfamiliar place. But I didn't experience much of that at all. I experienced so much joy in being in this new place.

We went to a beautiful lookout point that overlooks the coastline. You can see for miles on a sunny day! It was foggy out, so one could only see a limited distance, but it was still a breathtaking sight for sure. We went to the shops to pick up some necessaries for the stay here. Things aren't much different in that regard, but it's strange hearing Australian accents everywhere and I'm still in a state of awe whenever I hear it. The beach followed that afternoon and it was one of the most amazing things I'd seen yet. The waves are enormous, and I'm told they get to be quite large. The sand feels like it's kissing your feet as you walk in it. And the water feels incredible!

I settled in nicely though. All of my things were unpacked and organized in a matter of minutes. The only adjustment that I truly had a hard time with last night was trying to stay awake until 9 PM... Well that and thinking it was Friday, My body told me it was bedtime much earlier already, but of course, I had to force myself to stay awake until I was nearly dead with exhaustion. But I did get rewarded with a lovely night sleep and being awakened by the sound of birds singing in the rain.

Yep. I could get used to this.

- Naomi

Sitting, Waiting, Praying

As I sit here waiting to board my flight to Sydney, Australia, I can't help but wonder "What was I thinking? Am I insane?" Everything up until this point has seemed unreal and now this is finally happening. After waiting for five months for this day, it's finally happening. 

It didn't sink in for me until that last hug with my parents. I walked through the security doors and glanced once more over my shoulder to see them walking away, as I edged my way closer to the counter. 

The question I've asked myself the most is "What am I doing?" The answer seems pretty simple. Right now, I'm sitting while waiting for my boarding call. 

But I think it's also a question of "What did I sign up for?" because this is so unlike me to jump into something so unfamiliar. I have always gone where I've known something familiar. And this time? It's all new. 

I have so many fears, so many questions, so many doubts filling my mind. But one thing that I've constantly had running through my mind today is the verse in Joshua 1:9. When the people are instructed not to be afraid, not to be discouraged, it is clearly followed with the statement that God is with them wherever they go. 

This is the verse I've chosen to hold tight to at this time as I patiently wait for what God has in store for me. I'm ready for a journey that I've never had before. Not fully, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be. And for me, that's enough. 

- Naomi

Prayers Filled With Power

     The coming days until I leave are slowly lessening and I find myself wondering "What on earth was I thinking?" It's not that I'm not excited, and I have experienced adventures on my own in South America, but Australia seems to unfamiliar to me. It's far. It's distant. It's a stranger to me. I have the most exciting, life altering, unbelievable change waiting for me on the other end of that plane ride, but I feel completely unprepared and it could be that I will never feel fully prepared.

     As I pack throughout the last three days and try to wonder what I will really need on a journey away from home for six months, it's begun to really hit me. Until now, it seemed like just some distant day that people asked me about. It's been a busy preparation period but it's not preparing that has affected me the most. It is the preparing of emotions.

     It feels like I'm leaving the nest all over again. And the reality of saying goodbye to those amazingly fun work days with my father, jumping onto my parent's bed to catch up after a busy week, and fun evenings out with my friends. It's all happening so fast, I can barely keep up!

     Many of you are still asking me what you can be praying for as I leave this week and I've made a list of sorts. Don't feel like you need to be praying for all of those things, but pick a couple that stand out to you or that you would feel I'd benefit the most from. :)
1. A smooth transitioning period for me. That I wouldn't feel the struggle of jet lag and that I would be able to adjust to the area that I'm in quickly and easily.
2. The fear of vulnerability. I am not someone who likes to open up to others about my life, but I know that in order to have God working in me fully, I need to be open about every area of my life. With Him, with the people He brings into my life, and even with myself.
3. Health during my time away. That nothing serious would come up while I'm learning or doing my outreach, but that I would be in complete health while serving God.
4. Homesickness. I am someone who is very attached to my home here because of the people who live in it. ;) Please pray that I will be distracted enough and that God and those people will become the family that I need.
5. Focus. When being away, it can be very easy to become distracted by the things that happen back home. Please pray that I will focus on what is going on in my surroundings and not dwell on the happenings of home.
6. Please pray that I will accept the change God will want to bring into my life and the ways He wants to work in my heart.
7. Pray for my darling parents who must let go of their baby girl and that they would adjust easily here with the silence of their home. ;)
8. Please pray for my financial situation, as I am still waiting for all of my funds to be here before I leave.
9. And last but not least, pray for God's blessing to wash over my team and I as we seek to serve God and His Kingdom in everything that we do.

     Thank you all so much for your support and prayers and for walking with me. It is a huge joy to be able to finally do what I've felt called to do for so long! I love you all!

-Naomi