Insanity

This past week has flown by so quickly and yet I feel like I've been here for so long. It was more of a settling in sort of week for us all here. Learning the ropes of the place, about YWAM and how it came to be, along with the vision, and things like that.

Lectures started more towards the end of the week and although I know the word lecture sounds like it wouldn't be so fun, I find myself enjoying them so much already! The things we learn, the way it's explained to us, it's all in a way that I've never thought of looking at it before.

We learned about how God created us with the intent of having a purposeful relationship with us and how that theme carries through the Old and New Testament. In the Old Testament, we see numerous occasions where God wants to be with the people. Then in the New Testament we see how God comes to us through Jesus Christ and how He dwells within us now. The whole theme of it is how God just wants a relationship with us. It wasn't that the topic was new to me, I just had never noticed how much of a pattern had formed throughout all of the stories in the Bible. Satan seeks to destroy relationships and that's his motivation. Whereas God seeks to have a relationship and encourages us to have relationships with others.

We also learned about the role of the Holy Spirit in a disciple and the role of the disciple. This was probably my favorite of the two lectures and I especially loved how the speaker explained that condemnation was from Satan and others, while conviction was something from the Holy Spirit. Conviction moves us towards God, towards being a better person for Him. Condemnation makes us feel ashamed and move away from God and feel like we're not good enough. This, among many other things, are what has got me thinking quite a lot. And has made me reevaluate how I see the Holy Spirit in me. Not as someone taking part of me away, but someone who is adding to me and completing me.

It was a wonderful time of thinking for me and I especially loved the part about how the Holy Spirit brings with it a feeling of acceptance, belonging, value, etc. It's been hard on me to settle in here because I often feel like I don't belong, like no one will accept me, like I'm worthless. And I know that's not what the Holy Spirit is about. I live with an eternity of all of these things because I'm a part of God's kingdom. Acceptance by others doesn't matter, because I am accepted by God. I am worth so much in the eyes of my Heavenly Father.

The role of the disciple was what our role is to be followers of God. I liked this part a lot because it showed us a list of what we are to be if we're to represent God in the way we live. There were also ways to put off the old and put on the new. This for me was difficult. Not because I have difficulty with the idea of altering my life around for Christ, but because the list was this: Recognize and resist, Take responsibility, through confession and repentance. Forgive others.

Forgive others is normally really easy for me but in the past few months, I've had an increasing amount of difficulty forgiving one person for how they've hurt me and treated me. I know this process will take more time, but I know it's something I need to do. I'm willing to surrender to Christ and have Him change me and renew me, but this last step will definitely take some time and I would appreciate it so much if you all would keep me in your prayers during this time of renewal in my life. God is doing a good work! And He will be faithful to complete it.

Missing you all! With love,
Naomi