Another week, another chaotic time! Sometimes I feel as though my head will fall over with so many new things being added to it. Thankfully, we're able to process with some of the staff members even during the weekend. That's definitely the time when application really sets into us. The topic this week was evangelism and it was probably one of the most difficult to apply, yet also the easiest at the same time. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.
The beginning of the week went on like any other and the speaker, Emma Blake, always showed us a lot of quotes which I loved so much! One thing that was emphasized a lot was that evangelism isn't about us. It's about God. That is something I loved so much because it's so easy to get caught up in making this all about us and all about what we want to do. It's truly and honestly about God in all of this and I really have learned to be all in with what God's will is. It's about being selfless in the midst of a time when one would normally fall into selfishness. I think I've grown more with that than anything else.
On Thursday afternoon, we got to put our evangelism teachings into practice. It was a terribly frightening experience, going out into the city, but so freeing and it made me feel like I could anything God called of me afterwards. We all had a couple of days to listen to God's voice to see what He wanted us to do as an individual and then we had to gather in a group and see what God had for us altogether. One thing that I love to do is write spoken word poems. Normally what I tend to do is write them and then keep them in a folder for myself to read or look back on, if I ever do. However, after writing one at the beginning of this week, I felt as though God wanted me to be using it. I argued and fought against this reasoning my hesitation by saying "I've never done this before and I don't think I'd be good enough." After a couple of days, I finally had to accept that this wouldn't leave me alone so it was with great hesitation that I relayed what I felt God wanted of me. One person in my group said he felt as though God wanted him to drum even though he'd never done it before. So we paired up and while he drummed, I recited my spoken word, probably more powerfully than I'd ever be able to have without the boldness that I suddenly found myself gaining through Christ. It was truly an enriching experience that I will never forget! To me, it didn't matter if people stopped and smiled, rushed by, or gave me a funny look. What mattered to me was that I had done what I felt was asked of me, and it gave me a deep sense of fulfillment.
We found out our outreach location this past Wednesday! It was a crazy time for everyone. My reaction included screaming, sobbing, hyperventilating, and even some food coming out the way it went in. But hey! In my defense, I warned them that surprising me was a bad idea. I think some have learned their lesson with that. I'm unable to give the location away here, or on any social media, but I am able to say that it is in the Near East, which is what we refer to it as from here.
The past few days have been an absolute blur and I found myself in a state of panic over my financial situation, which hasn't looked completely well in the time that I've been here. I've had to humble myself on numerous occasions by asking for donations and continued support with prayer and funding. The complete outreach amount that is needed is $5200 and the amount I needed by Monday was $3000. At the beginning of today, I was quite a mess because I didn't have a single penny of that available to me. I had received $700 of donations but wasn't able to access it in time. By the time evening came, I had somewhat accepted the situation for what it was: I simply did not have the money for this and needed to acknowledge what God was possibly trying to tell me. However, having had a lot of confirmation to go on this outreach, I continued to have faith and pray for a miracle. Later in the evening, I was given the exact amount by three individuals. Of course, I am simply blown out of the water by this and can only take this as God providing for me in a way that I cannot explain or understand.
Something I believe played a huge part in this was how God revealed to me a time in Exodus when He was sending Moses and the Israelite people into the Promised Land, saying that He would send His Presence with them but would not go with them Himself. Moses had responded with "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that You are pleased with me and with Your people unless You go with us? What else will distinguish me and Your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?" (Exodus 33:15-16)
I found myself turning my voice to God and expressing myself in a way that I'd never done before. Admitting that if God was not for me going that I didn't want to go. That I only wanted to go if He would be with me. Walking outside of God's plan for me is something that would break my heart in a way it's never been broken before, I laid down my plans in this, my desires, and I opened myself completely to Him. I told Him that I was in this completely for Him and that if I wasn't doing this for Him and with Him, then I didn't want to do any of this anymore. Tonight it became about God and it stopped being about myself. I experienced selflessness, I witnessed selflessness in my team, and I learned exactly what God was asking me to do in order for Him to do what He needed to.
Thank you all so much for your continued support and prayers and donations!!! Currently, I am still in need of about $2000 and I am 100% sure that God will provide this amount. If you have any donations, feel free to contact my parents or shoot me a message or email.
Check out our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/444980748997745/?fref=nf
- Naomi
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