Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours

The Father heart. That was the topic this week. I can't remember a week that's been more difficult for me to push myself through. It's hard to put it all into words to communicate and for you to understand, but I do want to try, so that you at least get a glimpse into what my world was, and is, like right now.

I'll begin with the hardest part. We discussed heart problems. The first question God asked Adam and Eve in the garden was "Where are you?" It wasn't a matter of God not knowing where they were. This is the contextual question of where they're at, where they're coming from. The second question He asks them is "Who told you?" This is a question of authority, as in where did it come from? Who did they look to for the authority at that time? And the last question was this: "Have you eaten?" Which is the responsibility and stewardship question. God gives them the opportunity to step forward and take responsibility for what they've done, and instead they shift the blame. Adam says "The woman YOU GAVE ME." Eve says "THE SNAKE..." In both cases, neither takes responsibility. Adam blames God and the woman, and Eve blames the snake.

Having that as the base for our week (a look into the heart of mankind), we dove deeper into ourselves and had many discussions during class to get to our heart issues. They had theirs, and it never ends there. It continues to this very day. I went through a conversation in class as well where we looked at our families (context), who we gave authority to in our lives, and then learned how to have stewardship over that. We all come from broken lives, broken families, because we're all imperfect. And when things don't go the way we planned, it's never our right to turn it on our families and say "Oh, if they'd only been different," or "Well, they did this wrong," because Adam and Eve had the perfect Father and they still messed up to an incredulous extent.

See, we can go the rest of our lives blaming each other and trying to make sense of matters, thinking that if things were different, everything would change, but the truth of the matter is, that's not the case. We're all human. The human race is a mess. Sin corrupted us and blankets us with lies that surround us as we grow up, and no matter what happens, we will always have heart issues no matter what family we grow up in, no matter who we surround ourselves with, they will be there because our world is a world of dysfunction. That's not said to discourage you, but rather to encourage you because now we all know we're in this life together, to build one another up, to help each other grow and see past the brokenness that we've come to know.

I won't go into detail with what my heart issue was, because it's personal for me and I've chosen to keep that to myself unless I decide to speak it out to someone. My family in Christ here knows because they witnessed the speaker and I digging to the bottom of it and putting words to the feelings in the deepest parts of my heart, but I'm at peace with this somehow. It is something I will need to work through, and it's something everyone else here is working through as well. I've shed many tears today on this topic because sometimes the pain of looking into oneself after never having completely done that can be entirely too overwhelming for someone to bear. Please pray for me as I continue on in this process. God is growing me into the woman He desires me to be and even though I strongly dislike this process, it is one I'm willing to go through because I know it will be worth it.

I know this post is getting to be quite a bit longer than I intended it to be, but I'd like to share the highlight of this week as well. I am filled with joy. It's strange, I know, because of the turmoil that's been going on in my heart, but it's an odd mixture of these feelings that I have. My heart is being broken bit by bit, but in that, I'm finding myself relying on Him more and more every day. Something that has given me much comfort in this is a phrase I've come to love. "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." It's this phrase that I 've carried with me this week. I find myself having a conversation with God every morning before I get out of bed. "Break my heart for what breaks Yours. I hate this, God. But do it anyways. I'd like to get this part over with, if You don't mind." Not your usual prayer, I know, but I've always been an honest person when it comes to my discussions with Him, so I'm sure He understands.

I've had many deep discussions this week with fellow students and staff. I honestly believe I've come such a long way from the lost, broken girl who arrived here 4 weeks ago. I've felt joy in my heart. I've felt my heart break in more ways than I can count, I've found a loving family in Christ who supports me and stands by me, and I've found even more evidence of God's love towards me. It is so overwhelming sometimes to see the goodness that He has in store for me and to feel His presence as I walk through the rougher days here. I've also been able to bring singing and music into life here and it's brought me more joy than I can even express in words!

Today we were given the analogy on how we are like a water bottle and God is like an ocean. We can only hold so much water, but He has an immeasurable amount. He created us to love us and have a relationship with us and He wants to be able to flow through us so much that we overflow with love that we pass on to others. Naturally, there will be brokenness, and the brokenness creates holes in the bottom of the bottle. But that is the only way for the water to flow out when it is being filled at the top. He pours into us, we pour out to others through our broken lives, and so the cycle goes. I like that a lot. It comforts me knowing that God is using my brokenness to pour His love into others lives. I'm starting to see it as a blessing. I think I may even be close to being thankful for it. Not quite, but I may be getting there.

Thank you all again for your continuous love, support, and prayers. One last thing that I need to say is that if any of you are feeling compelled to help me out financially while I'm here, please contact me on Facebook, Email, or even on here. I am still needing finances for my outreach and the date is coming up pretty quickly! You can help by...
1. If you have any bottles that you'd like to get rid of, let me know and I'll send someone over to pick them up. The money will go directly into my account and then get forwarded to YWAM right here in Australia.
2. If you're wondering what to do with all of that loose change, put it in a piggy bank over time and at the end of February, I would love to take it off your hands, if you'd be so kind. :)

Missing you all like CRAZY! Sending lots and lots of love!!!

- Naomi C. Friesen